Back to the usual

After a brief flirtation with a new position we are back to an old favorite: spoons. I'm happy with a little variety now and again, and once in a while he gets it into his head that the latest position is the best. Sooner or later he always wants to return to one of the two familiar ones. But there is something comforting about that, and what it lacks in novelty actually more than makes up for in closeness, for me at least. He holds me tight, I'm relaxed and we make love gently. It may not always scale the heights of passion but late at night when you're both that tired it's such a nice way to end the day before the lights go out.

The poll so far...

Since the poll at the foot of my blog has now started to behave itself, it can now be viewed in a more meaningful way. I do now regret putting the poll right at the bottom as only a very small number of those who visit the blog choose to vote.

That being said, what I have seen so far I'm finding very positive. I wanted to see how both women and men feel about the intimacy of anal, but had even less idea about how men felt than women.

I know it was a huge assumption, but since I can only view the act from my perspective as a woman I thought that most woman who have anal sex would be affected in a similar way. I had thought that the intimate aspect was a female thing, because we are the ones being penetrated, sharing ourselves in a deeply personal way. I'm talking of just the mental side. I feel intensely emotional on several levels. One is that I'm trusting him. Another is that by being possessed in such a way I'm very turned on and excited. The last is that in a way I'm making this offering and the reward I get in return is seeing this incredible pleasure that he gets.

I had thought that for men it was largely the physical side of anal sex that they liked, but from the poll results so far men too are without exception finding anal sex more intimate.

Is this why we feel something beyond the intense physical connectedness when we make love this way? I've asked both my husband and others before but on the whole men are not as good at describing how they feel, or at least not in any way I can relate to. Perhaps you just have to be a man to truly get it.

Why the choice?

I was recently contacted by someone who, due to similar circumstances, was curious about my motivation - not for writing about my experience, but why I've stopped having vaginal sex.

I'm sure to most people it just seems like such a strange concept; after all, anal sex is just for men isn't it? Well, I completely disagree with that point of view. I enjoy it, I've read about dozens (possibly hundreds) of women who do. Women have even written books and guides about the subject. If that doesn't show that it can be just as important in our lives too, then I don't know what will.

Anal sex has always been a big part of my sex, right from the beginning. I don't actually dislike vaginal, but the combination of being able to orgasm easily from anal and the huge emotional aspect of anal always wins out. I could (and do now) live without vaginal sex but can't imagine a life with no more anal sex.

Having said all of that, I probably would have taken this path were it not for my husband having his own strong likes and dislikes. I suppose you could say he'd been steering in this direction for some time since he'd read about another couple who did the same. And it took a long time before he could articulate that same desire.

For anyone who thinks I'm just submitting or being controlled, you are so very wrong. I've recognised what is important in our marriage and what works. I love him and if we aren't compatible then our relationship would break down. I recognise it is not a choice for everyone, but I'm very happy about it. Neither of us are lying to each other and both are satisfied sexually.

More regular updates

Like with anything else, keeping to a routine is good for getting work done. I don't know how long this phase will last but I've found that checking the blog and re-reading everyday is making me more productive. You know, I should have made more effort during those long winter months rather now that summer is here. But better late than never...

I've changed a few small details, such as adding a contact list so people can contact me more privately and directly. But I do hope to keep general discussion going so we can all share.

I'll try to keep updating more regularly and if you have any ideas of your own for inclusion let me know.

Something a little different

Last night I took the advice of one of my readers, suggesting to DH we change from the usual position. Now he's a real man of habit so this switch wasn't exactly done with much enthusiasm. For the most part he likes to be behind me because he likes to be in control..and for the view, of course. Now mostly I don't mind as part of the fun is the submission, after all, but I'd got an idea and for once was determined to carry it out.

I can't remember the last time I went on top, but now I've had a reminder I'll be trying to persuade him more often. When we had done so in the past I was straddling him but lying over so we were face to face. This time, as per recommendations, it was more of a squat above him with my feet flat on the bed. Okay, so you can't get so much movement like this and it can get a little tiring on the legs, but for deep penetration it's very good. With the help of gravity and with your legs pulled up...wow. It was actually a strange sensation, almost a tickle as he slid way up inside. I had a tingling right up my spine the entire time. Another advantage, as we discovered is that in this position you can really work your internal muscles, by alternately pushing and pulling (like you're trying to hold something in).

Verdict: Can be hard work, and don't expect a lot of movement. We found we had to grind against each other more than thrust. However, I felt totally full and he loved being able to get inside as far as he was able.

Feedback welcome

I love to hear how other women (and men!) feel about the subjects I raise in my blog. Please feel free to post any comments, questions or thoughts you have.

It would be great to know if my experiences touch others, or even if your experience is entirely different. Hopefully together we can get a better picture of how women really feel about the last taboo (and just maybe go a little way towards breaking it down).

So don't be shy!

More thoughts on intimacy

I've been giving some more thought as to why anal sex is more intimate for me. I know I'm not alone so it would be interesting if any of these strike a chord with anyone out there.

I'd touched on it in an earlier post about the surrender aspect. I'd written that without thinking to deeply. At heart, I've now realized, I'm really quite submissive. I don't mean weak, or down-trodden in any sense. I just get quite charged and emotional by giving my self up to someone I love and trust. It's a strange thing when you think about it; both safe and vulnerable at the same time.

Another powerful aspect that only anal sex provides for me is the physical impact, which is more raw and immediate. Something that cannot be ignored, almost something endured. Even as I'm being penetrated I'm asking myself do I really like this, but at the same time always coming back for more and loving that feeling as he gets all the way in. Afterwards, when he's withdrawn, I really notice his absence in a way I never do after vaginal sex. Yet at the same time feel him for hours.

It's these things that make me feel so connected to him. That and we've shared something so special. Perhaps I suffer from a surfeit of empathy because knowing that he's having so much pleasure makes me soar so high.

Poll

I've had enough of the blogger poll widget. The results go up, then down, at random. But mostly down. Totally unreliable. If anyone knows of a good dedicated poll system to use please let me know.