Female perspective on the male perspective...

Like I said on another post, I have more to say about my husband.Now, I know that this blog is meant to be primarily a resource for women and their views but the women is just one half of the couple. Also, as shown by the many hundreds or thousands of other blogs, journals, forums etcetera, so many women still don't understand their men when it comes to anal sex: Why do they like it? What makes it so enjoyable? Why are they always asking their wives and girlfriends for anal sex with such regularity?

What follows is what I've been about to glean over the years from my husband and more recently when I decided to write this piece. Remember, this is just my husband, so it may not be true, or all true, for others. At the very least it'll be more informative than the usual "because it's tighter".

From what I understand, the influences can be broken down into three parts: how it looks, how it feels, and how it makes him think.

Lets start off with the looks. Like most women I just assumed for a long time that the only reason he'd want to put it in my ass was because it was tighter and more stimulating. Sure, I knew men liked a shapely behind but I'd underestimated the visual aspects. It didn't find out until quite recently that he actually isn't sexually attracted to the female genitalia to any great degree. At first I was like, you what? I guess the initial reaction was one of shock but as he explained further it became clear I'd misunderstood.

He does like the femininity of a woman; her breasts, face, hips, waist, ass, hair, softness, smell. All of that. What he doesn't like is the vulva. Not the lips, shape or anything about it. He claims not to find that attractive. He says that it took him years to gain his confidence, sexually, as this was a cause of concern to him. Was he gay? Was he just weird?

So what really turns him on and attracts him is a woman's anus. Now I understand him, I can actually take that as a compliment, since he says I have a very pretty one. *BLUSH*

Well they do say men are visual first and foremost, sexually.

So while I can accept all this from him, I'm still left a little confused. Does it answer my questions? I'd always assumed all men were attracted to those parts of a woman that made them distinctly female. Can there be heterosexual lust without that attraction? Well, apparently so. He gets an erection merely by contemplating a female anus, but not the genitalia. All this just invites even more questions; did something or an event make him this way? Are some born this way? Part of a spectrum like sexuality? I'm not being judgemental by the way. I've had a long time to get used to this and nor does it worry me. It doesn't diminish his desire for me, nor mine for him.

Moving on to how it feels. Now, I've felt inside both my vagina and my anus. To me, yes both are different but neither one would I have thought significantly better than the others. He begs to differ since I obviously lack a penis. While he says that the vagina is basically the same all the way up the anal / rectal region is like three different zones of sensation. First, obviously is the tight ring of muscle at the entrance. Then inside is the rectum which is a little more open as it doesn't collapse on itself like the vagina. The rectum curves back towards the spine and after a few inches narrows again. But overall the three parts are apparently capable of more rhythmic, contrasting contractions and hence more stimulating than the vagina.

The last part, how it makes him think, is not so clear. He agrees that it is a more intimate experience, but struggles to define this and as I've said before I believe men and women maybe see intimacy slightly differently. I think he feels as though he in a small way, dominates me, although I don't feel dominated - I'm doing this totally voluntarily. But if it makes him feel good I see no harm.

Whether this is all true or not, some (or many) men seem wired to prefer anal sex for some or a combination of all these reasons. I can understand, if never truly share those feelings.

As usual I'd love to hear from men (or their partners) on this.

Does culture matter?

If you've been following the blog you'll notice my musings about why some people like anal, why many men love it, and why others are more open to the idea.

Now, we know that in the past in some societies the practise of anal sex was widespread. Could that also be true today?

So far most of the contributors to the blog have been (or appear to be) native English speakers which puts them in a very similar culture. In western culture anal sex is gradually becoming more of an accepted thing, but I know I have readers from around the world and would love to here about their experiences.

Is it acceptable or frowned upon where you live?

Am I different?

Since starting this blog I've often stopped to think why I have such a different attitude to anal sex to most other women. Or even, am I all that different?

Yes, I know if you suggest anal sex to many women they will be horrified, while I'll readily do it. But why? We aren't significantly different in the way we are made. That suggests the only real difference is in the mind.

I experienced anal sex for the first time very early on, so I guess that I didn't ponder much the implications of what I was about to do. And the man to take my virginity was older, more experienced and persuasive; I trusted him and never felt afraid.

Having never had the fear, I struggle to understand it. This is unusual for me as I'm usually good at putting myself in the shoes of others. I'm assuming that fear is the primary problem for most women from what I read; fear that it will hurt, fear of the consequences.

I am aware there could be other, subtle forces at play. Perhaps they are ashamed to associate the anus with pleasure, having been told all their lives that it is dirty.

Another observation from my reading of various sources it that most people stand firmly on one or the other side of the issue. That is some think there are women who will never come to like anal sex, no matter what, and those who think that with the right amount of time and gentle coaxing she can learn to enjoy it. I believe in the latter, but I'd love to hear what others think about this.

Weekend surprise

He does sometimes surprise, my man of habit. And more often than usual recently. I must find out if there's something on his mind.

This time, after a very long massage for yours truly, he wanted me to remain in position face down on the bed. Now there's one we hadn't done in a long time. Basically, it's an inverse missionary where you lie on your front with your legs spread and he lies on top.

Now, this is not a position for very deep penetration, though it does help if you put a pillow or something under your hips to raise them a little. It is also not one where you have much (if any) opportunity to play with yourself in the front. I wouldn't want to be doing this all the time, but it has advantages; it forces him to be slow and gentle and I really enjoy the feel and weight of his body along along my back. The only problem was that as he rolled off to fall asleep I was just starting to get excited but instead was having to make a visit to the bathroom :(

A Question...

I've been thinking.

What kind of people read this blog?

So, do they visit because they are curious if others have the same (or different) feelings about intimacy? Is it that they find a sex life based around one particular act interesting? Or is it people just curious about anal sex in a more general sense?

I'll still carry on doing my own thing, but I'm more than happy to hear what motivates you to read this blog.

Also, I'd love to receive any links to any similar or related sites that I have missed.

Not a porn site

It seems obvious, but perhaps not to some people. I've been getting much more traffic here of late (thanks tumblr) but I do wonder what some people expect when they visit.

Well, just in case, for new visitors - there is no porn here: No pictures, no videos, and no links to where you'll find any. There's already plenty of that to be found for free already out there.

Whilst we're on the subject I'll give you my views on porn. It's probably the first, last and only time I'll mention it.

I'm pretty liberal minded and not the least offended by pornography. And what other women (or men) choose to do with there bodies in a very public way for hard (and presumably much needed) cash is entirely up to them. I know my husband likes to look at it and is predictably furtive and guilty (though needlessly) about the whole affair. No one should feel bad or ashamed about their little pleasures, is my thinking, as that leads to self-loathing and psychological damage.

But moving on, I find the way it's usually presented and performed hilarious and absurd. Granted, I'm not the target audience, but really, is it meant to be taken that seriously? The world of pornography appears to exist within its own little bubble, almost completely disengaged from the norms of human behaviour, sexual or otherwise.

I was going to say more, but I'm already bored with the subject.

Have a nice day :-)