Since starting this blog I've often stopped to think why I have such a different attitude to anal sex to most other women. Or even, am I all that different?
Yes, I know if you suggest anal sex to many women they will be horrified, while I'll readily do it. But why? We aren't significantly different in the way we are made. That suggests the only real difference is in the mind.
I experienced anal sex for the first time very early on, so I guess that I didn't ponder much the implications of what I was about to do. And the man to take my virginity was older, more experienced and persuasive; I trusted him and never felt afraid.
Having never had the fear, I struggle to understand it. This is unusual for me as I'm usually good at putting myself in the shoes of others. I'm assuming that fear is the primary problem for most women from what I read; fear that it will hurt, fear of the consequences.
I am aware there could be other, subtle forces at play. Perhaps they are ashamed to associate the anus with pleasure, having been told all their lives that it is dirty.
Another observation from my reading of various sources it that most people stand firmly on one or the other side of the issue. That is some think there are women who will never come to like anal sex, no matter what, and those who think that with the right amount of time and gentle coaxing she can learn to enjoy it. I believe in the latter, but I'd love to hear what others think about this.
In fact, it is rather easy to read why women are not attracted by anal sex. A short internet research can give you this kind of article:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.vice.com/en_ca/read/why-does-anyone-like-anal-sex
or
http://allwomenstalk.com/13-reasons-why-women-say-no-to-anal-sex
From what I hear from girls who are not into it:
- they are princess, and princess are never dirty. They fear they could dirty their boyfriend's penis, and it would be a geat shame.
- they expect to feel pain, so they do not feel comfortable, thus they do feel pain in the end... Vicious circle.
I've seen those articles, or some very much like them before. I find the tone kind of hysterical - almost satire!
ReplyDeleteHowever, I think you misunderstood what I was trying to get at, and taking me literally. Those 'reasons' are justifications (real or imagined). Sometimes they may be excuses.
I'm more interested in why there is this fundamental difference in attitude - how and why does it form? Is it the normal or the abnormal? How and why do some overcome this more easily than others?
This is just personal curiosity. Maybe there are now simple answers.
That first article is the worst kind of shit. She even contradicts herself:
ReplyDelete"YOUR GUY WILL STRUGGLE TO REMEMBER YOUR MAIN FUNHOLE"
followed by
"I’M STILL NOT CONVINCED BOYS ENJOY IT THAT MUCH, EITHER"
What's the agenda? So we get she doesn't like it, why make up stuff so that others get bad advice?
Mr Anonymous has a point: others get bad advice. A few undelighted women can disgust a lot of women.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I've witness women who do love anal. Sometimes they wanted to do it because other girls told them it was awesome.
Anal is a lot more about erotism than we could think: it needs to be a part of the "good" side of sex, and not the "wrong". Everybody has limits between what they would like to do and what is not exciting them at all.
Some women are excited by the likelyness to be pregnant. Some don't.
Some are excited by nasty words. Some don't.
Some are excited by dirty things like anal or pissing. Some don't.
Some are attracted by other women. Some don't.
A question of the limit of what you feel being "erotic", "exciting" and "enjoyable". The true reason of you being different... maybe you search more to give pleasure rather than to take some. I don't know. It would explain that the idea of giving your boyfriend the best pleasure he could hope for turns you on and make anal sex very hot and desirable.
Of course I like to give pleasure - I think most people do. But I'll accept that I'm likely a little more sensitive to my lovers than some. Its like sharing in or almost feeling their excitement.
DeleteInteresting you should say "the best pleasure" as I've heard that before. Apparently all the alternatives are a little dull now and don't provide the same release for him. I've no reason to doubt him, but I wonder if the pleasure is physically real or just in the mind. Maybe it doesn't matter - it's just enjoyable hearing him get so vocal about it and seeing him so overwhelmed.
You think about it all way too much. Nobody knows why, so just go with the flow.
DeleteYou enjoy it which is what counts, and trust me, it feels awesome for him. I think most men who have tried it if they are honest with themselves rate it higher than regular sex. Which is why he wants to do this with you all the time. Lots of women also like it, but he's extremely lucky to have you who is prepared to "give up" vaginal for him.
Ultimately, there is no normal. Some people are turned on by different things, some by nothing at all. And every couple is different too. Though I suspect there are *A LOT* of men out there who wish you were the norm... :)
lurker: sorry I can't help thinking it over, that's why I started the blog!
DeleteI'm not "worried" about being different, just asking questions to be honest.
As for what other men would like as the norm, all I can say from my previous long term relationships is that, thinking back (and it was never discussed or even occurred to us) I think none of them would have been unhappy at having to give up vaginal. I could be wrong but that's just the impression I have. Does that mean all the rest are so inclined? Who can say...
Not so different I don't think. I used to think like french lover and think some girls just wouldn't ever. But my girlfriend who was the most anti anal person you could meet did change her mind. She'd had a bad time with another boyfriend and so it took long time to put right. Not something we do all the time but maybe once a week or so. The key really is getting her to relax so lots of long foreplay or getting her to cum first.
ReplyDeleteI guess my question would then be is she merely comfortable with it and doing it to please you or does she actively enjoy it?
DeleteAs for the foreplay and thinking of her pleasure - keep up the good work! (I'm hoping it's not all so you can have your way with her...)
Hi, I wanted to point out a different scenario because my moment of realization came much later. You're assuming people will start out with a liking/dislike. You started out with strong feelings when you were young, but for myself it wasn't until much later in my 30's that I started enjoying anal more. A little a first, then grdually getting to the point where it was as important as the other parts of my sex life.
ReplyDeleteI had tried, as most do (and mainly to please), several times. It wasn't right for me until I met my husband who somehow made it all very different. I don't think I was ready when I was younger in any case and just some times you're tastes/needs change.
We still have vaginal sex because it is special in its own way. Anal is not an everyday thing, but I'm with you 100% on the intimacy. Always when we have anal sex the atmosphere between is really intense. It is a wonderful, connected, full-on experience. That's what makes it something I want to repeat and as I said as I get older that side means more to me than it did say 10 or 20 years ago.
Sure, I know for many it is something that takes time. My own feeling is that it is "always there" but can take the right circumstances, or in many cases, time to develop. Since we are all made much the same my belief is in the potential for all women to find anal sex enjoyable.
DeleteI have read reports before about women becoming more interested by anal as they get older. I do wonder if there is anything in this and why it may be so.