Anal for couples

Whilst I have been neglecting my blog, another couple have started to write about anal sex in a positive and educational  way. It's by and (I guess) for couples and they say:

We both greatly enjoy the physical and emotional rewards of anal intercourse in a trusting relationship and hope our experience can serve as encouragement for other couples interested in, but perhaps reluctant about anal play due to the out-dated societal stigma or a simple lack of understanding of the anatomy involved.

Take a look at analforcouples.blogspot.com

A reader response (to "Female perspective on the male perspective")

I had quite a surprise in my mailbox yesterday: What is so far the longest, most detailed response I've ever had to one of my articles. I feel it makes sense to publish this on it's own rather than going back and editing the original, and it does stand on it's own.

I do hope my readers don't mind that I'm not giving a personal update, and I hope you'll agree that this is a valuable contribution, whether you relate to it or not.

Very interesting article, I'd be happy to add some data. I'm a mid-30s male. Became sexually active at 15 and realized I was interested in butts fairly quickly. By about 18-19, I was very interested in the idea of anal and by about 20 had done it with a girlfriend. Since then, I've been lucky enough to have it factor into each of my sexual relationships (all long-term monogamous ones). Now I'm married to a women who was not really into anal before, but has recently developed a very eager appetite for it and this has allowed me to really open up to her about how passionate I am about it. She always knew I was into it, but I definitely held back a lot of my feelings and would hide a lot of my porn from her because I feared that she would think my love of big gaping buttholes was gross. Since turning a road recently, we're doing almost only anal and are both more sexually gratified than we've ever been.

Looks:

I'm with your husband here and it's something that I always felt kind of bad about as well. Vaginas aren't a turn-off necessarily, though I find a large number of the ones I see are. I like a trim, tidy looking vagina but seeing them splayed open like in porn and seeing big gangly labia hanging off of them doesn't turn me on at all. On the other hand, a female asshole peaking between a pair of cheeks is something I find more intriguing and, being honest, I really get off on seeing assholes on women who look obviously well-used or loose. Where you can see the muscle has been trained many, many times and could open up for a penis with very little notice. I find this very arousing.

I've always had enjoyable vaginal sex with my wife and she has one of the nicest looking vaginas I've ever seen, but even she would much rather have me tongue her asshole than lick her clit and we're both pretty happy for that. :)

Feeling:

As mentioned above, I'm definitely not in the "because it's tighter" crowd, which I believe is largely comprised of men who probably have only had partners who tolerate anal rather than love it. I find I get more excited when her asshole gives me less resistance. I love how once I get part way into her ass, her hole just seems to pull me right in the rest of the way.

Without a doubt, the most amazing physical sensation of anal sex that drives me crazy is that, with the correct position and adequate relaxation and warming up, I am able to *fully* penetrate my wife's ass. I am long enough (7.5") and my wife small enough (5'1" tall) that I am unable to fully penetrate her vagina. If I near full depth, I bottom out on her cervix and it's both uncomfortable and distracting to me and it hurts her if I hit it too firmly. This forces us to use positions and methods that keep me at a shallower depth. She also has a hard time with my girth in her small vagina and more often than not, her vagina is a little sore after any regular vaginal sex session. On the other hand, when she is well relaxed for anal, I can press my full member into her and feel my tip pass through the narrowing at the end of the rectum and this causes my penis to explode very quickly.

During a balls deep anal orgasm, I am very physically aware of three distinct sensations on my penis and the orgasm intensity is unachievable with vaginal sex, though I fully accept that it could be as much psychological as physical.

Psychology:

This is an interesting part of the subject and the one that I've pondered my whole life and continue to. The 'taboo' aspect is certainly the most talked about appeal, but like another poster suggested, I'm not convinced that's what drives my kink. I've had lots of anal with my wife now and every day I just want to do it more and more. There's nothing taboo about it for us. We're not christian or religious in any way, we are not prudes or from prudish upbringings. We're very sexually open and experimental. So, at least in my mind, the psychological appeal isn't "What we are doing is so bad!", but more "What we are doing is so sexy and exciting and not many people are comfortable enough with themselves and each other to do this!"

I find anal sex to be far more intimate to me. Since I am a man, I expect that I have a very different mental/emotional outlook on sex than a typical woman, and so I can only guess here, but I think that an erotic anal encounter with my wife has an emotional effect on me much more like a woman normally regards any sexual intercourse (where "normal" sex is more a physical event to me than otherwise). When we have hot anal sex, my excitement levels during are obviously greatly elevated, but afterwards I could just cuddle for hours. I want to just keep massaging my wife and fetching her treats and spoiling her in every way.

It's not just that I'm trying to "earn points" to get more anal, but I truly feel more of an emotional attachment when we do this and I think it's because I am very conscious of the increased intimate bond that it has created between us when we have sex. Women can give out vaginal sex and blow jobs like favours, typically. Even if they're not all that into it. It's not that unheard of for some relationships to basically be kept going by a disinterested spouse giving her husband just enough satisfaction as is required to keep him happy enough to not complain. On the other hand, enjoyable anal sex (where both partners get equal pleasure) requires a full commitment from both partners to the act. The woman must feel 100% confident and have full trust in the penetrating partner - as there's much higher risk of injury, etc, if a guy was too rough. The male must be very in tune with his partner's reactions and body language and know the right moves to make at the right times.

It takes a lot of practice and trust to be able to have pleasurable, purely anal sexual encounters that are equally rewarding for male and female alike, but if it can be achieved, for many couples it can be a much more rewarding form of sexual intimacy.

Since last time

I'm all too well aware I haven't been very active in updating this blog. In part it is the usual personal life/workload that gets in the way.

Partly, because you need to be inspired to get the urge to write. And mostly life has been moving along uneventful, and without anything much to report that is relevant here. I do have one or two ideas, but they will require a bit more thought and time as well as being dependent on news from another person. More on that another time.

The other reason is, to be completely honest, is that I was getting a little disheartened by some emails and comments. The really weird one's I haven't published, but you can see for yourselves some of the things on the Q&A. Yes, I realize I left it open to all kinds of question, but I was hoping for a mostly mature and intelligent response. I'm not saying it was all bad, but some of the later comments started to see the quality and seriousness degenerate...

Back soon

Just to let those who follow me know, I haven't forgotten the blog, I mean to get back to writing soon! Right now it is just a case of not enough hours in the day.

A new anal sex forum

I've been informed there is a new forum dedicated to the 'Anal Only Lifestyle', that is, for people who choose for varying reasons to have exclusively anal sex with their partner.

http://www.analonlylifestyle.com

The no movement method

On a whim recently my husband wanted to see if I could get him to orgasm simply by flexing and squeezing internally while he is in my ass. He was determined it must be possible because he had read about it somewhere (OK, really, you read it somewhere on the internet?!). Now we've tried a few times and while we've had fun experimenting and I've no doubt done wonders for my muscle tone in that area, we have not achieved success.

Not that it doesn't feel nice to both of us, but it just isn't sufficient stimulation to get him there.

Anyone else had any luck? It doesn't seem possible.

Together again

I know it's been some time since I managed to post a real update. Both my husband and myself have been busy with our respective jobs. Whilst mine is irregular and variable in its demands, his is normally quite steady and predictable. But once in a while we both find ourselves in demand at the same time, like the last few weeks.

We'd been like ships passing in the night, but thankfully it is over for the time being. We didn't even get to have sex around two weeks, which is virtually unheard of. Well, every cloud has a silver lining, as they say...

The result was when we did go to bed together we were both charged up with sexual energy. If you've had a long break before you'll know what I'm talking about. That tension becomes pent up and when you finally have a chance to release it it can alter the whole experience. Senses seem enhanced, each others body seems like new territory again. Smells, touch, sight; everything more vivid. The result of is you have one of those sexual encounters you remember forever (well until the next memorable one).

You may think it was over in a rush, but you'd be wrong. For some reason, though excited were both took our time. I think it was post work exhaustion and relief that we actually had some time of our own, and for once together again that made us want to savor it.

Much of it was actually oral: me on him, him licking delicately at my anus before probing deeper. It is one of his favorite activities and he would have gone on much longer than he did, but I was starting to squirm and really needed him inside. So, it was onto my side and legs up while he lubed me up. He penetrated slowly but felt very thick, though everything is exactly the same.

It is often the mind, playing with our perception which makes all the difference -  Deciding if something hurts or not; whether it is intimate or not; and often the trigger for climax. Not in the right mood? Then good sex can be a problem. Though there are a few circumstances where it has occasionally turned things around, such as a post argument 'make up fuck'.

But I digress. After penetration it was just slow and steady. Boring I guess unless you happen to be one of the participants. At the end there wasn't even that much movement as he was all the way in and just kind of 'rocking' against my ass. This was another time I got frustratingly close to orgasm but not quite, so just a minute of finger work and I was there. He afterwards said he wanted to go on but my repeated clenching up put an end to that! He's not interested if we get to orgasm together but I really enjoy it when it happens.

So there you have it. I apologize again for not keeping up with stuff here but as I'm sure you all appreciate it isn't always for lack of interest or will. Partly my mistake for promising regular updates. Perhaps just a little unrealistic but the best of intentions.

Until next time.

J.