Female perspective on the male perspective...

Like I said on another post, I have more to say about my husband.Now, I know that this blog is meant to be primarily a resource for women and their views but the women is just one half of the couple. Also, as shown by the many hundreds or thousands of other blogs, journals, forums etcetera, so many women still don't understand their men when it comes to anal sex: Why do they like it? What makes it so enjoyable? Why are they always asking their wives and girlfriends for anal sex with such regularity?

What follows is what I've been about to glean over the years from my husband and more recently when I decided to write this piece. Remember, this is just my husband, so it may not be true, or all true, for others. At the very least it'll be more informative than the usual "because it's tighter".

From what I understand, the influences can be broken down into three parts: how it looks, how it feels, and how it makes him think.

Lets start off with the looks. Like most women I just assumed for a long time that the only reason he'd want to put it in my ass was because it was tighter and more stimulating. Sure, I knew men liked a shapely behind but I'd underestimated the visual aspects. It didn't find out until quite recently that he actually isn't sexually attracted to the female genitalia to any great degree. At first I was like, you what? I guess the initial reaction was one of shock but as he explained further it became clear I'd misunderstood.

He does like the femininity of a woman; her breasts, face, hips, waist, ass, hair, softness, smell. All of that. What he doesn't like is the vulva. Not the lips, shape or anything about it. He claims not to find that attractive. He says that it took him years to gain his confidence, sexually, as this was a cause of concern to him. Was he gay? Was he just weird?

So what really turns him on and attracts him is a woman's anus. Now I understand him, I can actually take that as a compliment, since he says I have a very pretty one. *BLUSH*

Well they do say men are visual first and foremost, sexually.

So while I can accept all this from him, I'm still left a little confused. Does it answer my questions? I'd always assumed all men were attracted to those parts of a woman that made them distinctly female. Can there be heterosexual lust without that attraction? Well, apparently so. He gets an erection merely by contemplating a female anus, but not the genitalia. All this just invites even more questions; did something or an event make him this way? Are some born this way? Part of a spectrum like sexuality? I'm not being judgemental by the way. I've had a long time to get used to this and nor does it worry me. It doesn't diminish his desire for me, nor mine for him.

Moving on to how it feels. Now, I've felt inside both my vagina and my anus. To me, yes both are different but neither one would I have thought significantly better than the others. He begs to differ since I obviously lack a penis. While he says that the vagina is basically the same all the way up the anal / rectal region is like three different zones of sensation. First, obviously is the tight ring of muscle at the entrance. Then inside is the rectum which is a little more open as it doesn't collapse on itself like the vagina. The rectum curves back towards the spine and after a few inches narrows again. But overall the three parts are apparently capable of more rhythmic, contrasting contractions and hence more stimulating than the vagina.

The last part, how it makes him think, is not so clear. He agrees that it is a more intimate experience, but struggles to define this and as I've said before I believe men and women maybe see intimacy slightly differently. I think he feels as though he in a small way, dominates me, although I don't feel dominated - I'm doing this totally voluntarily. But if it makes him feel good I see no harm.

Whether this is all true or not, some (or many) men seem wired to prefer anal sex for some or a combination of all these reasons. I can understand, if never truly share those feelings.

As usual I'd love to hear from men (or their partners) on this.

Accepting reality

In my first post I spoke about how vaginal sex had become less frequent between my husband and myself and how we'd been thinking about ceasing that aspect of our sex life entirely. Actually, it was he who'd been thinking about it, but when it was put to me and I thought about it, and also finding out there were other couples who had been doing just that, well it just started to seem like a natural progression.

No, I'm not some kind of freak (or at least I hope not). I'm just a normal girl who is really into anal sex, but as always there's more to the story.

First to start with my husband. He really likes women's asses. I knew that early on and he'd make a point of saying what a nice one he though I had or pointing out others he admired (grrrr) but prior to me he had no experience of anal sex. Of course he'd tried with girlfriends but had been knocked back and so it had remained just a fantasy for him. Early only I suggested we give it a go and of course he leapt at the chance! Okay, so maybe he was a little more enthusiastic, shall we say, than I'd normally like but it was such a turn on all the same that we made anal love twice that night. And so it started as the occasional alternative, though it later emerged that he didn't ask for it more often as he assumed I couldn't possibly like it more often, which made him feel uncomfortable. So, yeah, the age old problem of man and women not understanding each other.

Over time though, it became totally clear to me where his preference lay. He'd hint, and I'd let him and so we started to gravitate over to more and more anal. The difference in how he behaved, how much it excited him and the obvious difference in the pleasure he got out of it meant that I didn't mind. In truth  it made me happier because his heart just wasn't in it during regular intercourse.

So we've arrived at the point where has admitted he'd now rather not have any vaginal intercourse at all. No, I'm not being used, and no, I'm not a push over. I can deal with this because:

• He loves it and I know it makes him happy
• When he's happy, I'm happy
• I find anal sex more intimate
• From a purely physical point of view anal is at least the equal of vaginal for me

There are actually some other peripheral issues which I may cover some time in the future, but those are the main points. And the last point will, I think, require a more detailed explanation sometime